Consumed by the Call

I'm not sure my blog title is very PC but I feel like I need to be a better man. You know when a dude is being lazy or complaining , some people say "Man Up". It sounds a bit sexist to me but for this post lets just say I want to be more of man, father and husband. For the last several years my life has been all over the map. I've had this bad back now for a few years and I'm trying to adjust to its limitations. It's been a challenge. I've gained most of my weight back and that truly hasn't helped me physically or mentally. This week I returned to leading my Christ First Weight Loss group. It's time for me to work through my issues. I've been refocused on other areas of my life and I'm committed to working on me again. My first challenge for the week arrived when I stressed by back trying to us an Xbox Kinect. I figured it was movement I could control and it was better than sitting around. Well, I must have moved too much. I was just waving...

After our visit from the Church consultant Paul Nixon I was very excited. I hit the ground running. I changed the website and helped with a new sign design and I’ve got several other changes I’m personally working on for our congregation and my ministries. None of which are something I can complete anytime soon ( other than the website ). For those of you who know me, I like to get stuff done. I don’t like working on things I can’t see through completion. I’m stressed about approvals for signs and building modifications. All of these needed renovations to our church building are exciting and at times overwhelming. I can see the finished product, my only hesitation is that I also see our congregation resistant to change. I’m excited to move forward but I know from past experience that this will not be an easy road to travel. I’m teetering on the fence myself wondering if we have bitten off more than we can chew. I’m excited to prepare our facility for the future but I hate getting exci...

Seasons come and go, whether we want them to do so or not. It is far better to adapt to colder temperatures with heavier clothing rather than to wish for summer and shiver. How often people resist the change of seasons and remember with longing the way things used to be! We can learn something from the birds. They know when it is time to migrate. They are called to the South and months later, they are called to the North. Even the stork in the sky knows her appointed seasons, and the dove, the swift and the thrush observe the time of their migration. But my people do not know the requirements of the Lord. Jeremiah 8:7 In the same way, you may experience a change of season regarding your call that requires a migration and adaptation to the new demands. A migration for you may or may not be geographical, but a move to another mindset or function is necessary. Did God call you to your current job? To a particular ministry? Are you still called? I’ve wrestled with...

http://m.youversion.com/bible/more/Rom.8.15 What next, Papa is taking on a new meaning for me this morning. I can't help but say it with a degree of sarcasm. I've been writhing in pain all night wondering what's going to happen next. Seems like I can't do anything without injuring myself. What's up with that God? Shine some light on this for me. I put on a strong face but physically and more importantly emotionally, I'm broken. By nature I have a tendency to be negative. I do my best to fight it but after the last 12 months my hope is fading and I feel myself slipping into a dark place. So God, please be working in me. I need this all to have a purpose even if it isn't obvious. I'm trusting something good will come from all this. I'll do my best to be patient but I'm needing your strength. I'm about out.

For the last few weeks the Holidays have been tempting me. I've had cookies and candies and all sorts of crazy food items that have no nutritional benefits. All they gave me was tighter clothes and a tired feeling all day. A few days ago I decided enough was enough. I had been planning to start doing thing right after the holidays but to be honest I've already done enough damage. I need to go back to my healthy habits. The confectionery coma I've been in has come to an end. I've decided to stop waiting for tomorrow and do something about it today. I know many of you have thrown in the towel on health and fitness until 2012. If you need to make a change why not today? Temptation will always be at your door, Christmas and New Years is just another "Excuse". I'm tired of making excuses for seeking my own will instead of God's will for my life. All too often people just don't understand the struggle I go through with food. No words can make them unders...

I've been thinking about Health and Fitness the last week, as I ate large plates of Thanksgiving food and leftovers. I'm sure many of you are still working on the leftovers wondering if this cycle of over indulgence will ever end. I got on the scale today and I'm feeling like something has to give. All too often we find the treats and temptation so enticing. We get pulled  into the "delight and satisfaction" they bring, for a time. Those treats continue to call our name and for some of us we give in. I personally found myself looking at the Benefits and Consequences of my actions this week. My clothes are tighter, and that's not a benefit. The only benefit I could see from indulging was I didn't feel deprived. I enjoyed some great food with my family and we had a wonderful time together. But, as always I became tired and sluggish. I've skipped a few workouts and we haven't even hit Christmas yet. YIKES! I had a conversation with a good friend ...

So many of you know I like to challenge myself. Before this year of back injuries and surgery I ran and had planned to compete in a triathlon. I've had to scale back on the workouts and to be honest this year hasn't been my best. What I know is I've pressed on and I continue to make efforts to push myself. Today's challenge will be interesting. I've been thinking about climbing all 50 stories of steps in the Atlanta Marriott Marquis for over a week now. It will be a workout and I'll do my best to complete this challenge. My prayer today is that God helps me go as high as this body will allow. As I challenge myself today I ask you to also press on and do something out of your box. I your at the gym push yourself and be proud of a new Accomplishment. Maybe today you will go that extra mile to talk with a friend or to restore a relationship. Whatever it is you're lead to do today know you're not alone. God is with you as you take new steps and reach high...

Today was our first day of the conference. We started with brief stop at starbucks. This is a picture of me inline. We then walked several blocks to the underground. It was basically a mall. We grabbed a few souvenirs and grabbed a bit of sushi for lunch. We then began a session of spiritual retreat with Mark Yaconelli. http://www.nywc.com/index.cfm?i=14241&mid=1000&id=344455 Both Kirsten and I are recharging our Youth Ministry batteries. Much needed time away.

Have you ever told your friends what they need to do to succeed but continue to fail at following your own advice. It’s not easy to succeed with weight loss. Even when we know how to do it. Emotions and bad old habits get in our way. The last few months have been quite the challenge for me. I have no excuses for my lack of focus. I need to work past the emotions I’m struggling with and I need to find that accountability I once had. My last two blog entries really speak to me but that fire inside to make changes seems to burn out by dinner time. I need your prayers. Please pray that I find the focus I once had for being healthy. Please pray that I stop allowing my physical limitations to dictate my weight loss success. This back injury is just another obstacle in my way. God will give me the strength to over come this obstacle. Pray that I continue to “expect a miracle”. My mind has been under attack by my old dark habits and I’m giving in. That scares me more than I can say in words. I...

Let me bring you up to speed on my biggest obstacle to date. For the last few months I’ve been dealing with a back injury. My MRI shows one degenerative, one herniated and one bulging disc all clumped together in my lower lumbar region. To be quite honest my weight loss journey hit a massive road block. My mind refused to accept my current situation and I slipped. I started eating poorly and my motivation went straight out the window. I see people around me succeeding at there weight loss and physical fitness efforts and I’m jealous. Some days are better than others for me but just standing for 15 minutes starts to aggravate my back. I spend most of my time working at my computer or watching TV. To be honest I wanted control back. I wanted to run, lift weights, do Zumba and other workouts with my groups. Instead I’m worried about what happens if I do too much. I moved a little table with Kya on Sunday and I was hurting all day. It really plays with your mind. Especially since it took m...

This week I’ve had the subject of control on my mind. You might know someone who is a control freak. They wont let anyone help or contribute because they fear it wont be just right or they think they can do it better than anyone else. I will admit, I’m a control freak. Most of my life I’ve criticized others for how things have been done or not done. In the back of my mind I’m thinking I could do it better. This might be some genetic trait or it could be how I was raised, I’m not sure. I do remember as a child my father saying “If you want it done right, Do it yourself”. Maybe you have heard that phrase before. Most of my life I just did it myself. Whatever it was that was most important to me. It was almost impossible for my to give control over to someone else. Now in my mid 30’s I know I can’t do everything better. I do have some specific gifts but I do my best to differ to others who are more wise. I do my best to listen to others and I challenge myself to allow others to control ar...

Many of you know that my family just completed our annual ‘Lights Out” week. During Lights out we don’t use our car. We shut off the heat, hot water and tape the fridge shut. We don’t use anything that is electric or battery operated. We basically take all modern conveniences out of our life for a week. It is our way of focusing on the basics of life. When we our technology dominated world is in full swing we often take the simple things in life for granted. I hadn’t seen the sun rise in years. One morning I woke up and stood in my living room watching the beauty of the rainbow colored clouds as God introduced light to our day. Then that night again I watched as the day came to a close and the sun set. I hadn’t don’t that it many, many years. It was a gift I will cherish for a long time. It is simple and it happens daily but often life's schedules, routines and worries prevent me from noticing Gods creation. My mind is so busy I forget to stop and listen to the birds sing. This l...

I’ve been going through a book entitled “ A Course in Weight Loss” By Marianne Williamson. I just finished chapter 4 today and I have to say, I love this book. It speaks to who I was, who I am and who I’m becoming. Today’s lesson was about allowing my real self to emerge. I’ve given myself over to the “dark side” so to speak, and that has created depression and shame in my life. Not to mention it was totally visible by looking at my 455lb being. As I have been on my weight loss journey of rediscovering who I am, I’ve been allowing the real me to be seen. I’m happy and truly enjoying what life has to offer. I’m setting goals that are healthy and challenging. In lesson 4 we were challenged to allow our thin selves to be revealed. I’m in the process now. One of the activities we were given was to find pictures of what we want our perfect self to look like. I’ve been doing this practice for some time and today I wrestled with it a bit. I’ll never look like a body builder with smooth sk...

So it’s after midnight and I’ve been awake thinking about winter retreat and all the other events that are coming in the next few months. I was thinking about how I need a challenge to lose 40 more pounds. I’m already planning my menu for the next three plus months. I’m figuring out my workout routines and looking forward to dropping those pounds. Many of you know that our local GetFit challenge has turned into an infinite weight loss program. I really need the challenge to get me competitive and excited to workout all the time. So I created, with the help of my Christ First Friends, the GodFit Challenge . It will last three months and I’ve tied it to our Christ First program. I’m really ready to step it up. The holidays have taken there toll on me. As I consider all the other things I’m looking forward to I can see where the anticipation is keeping me awake. I have an amazing group of Middle School kids. We are hosting an after school program for 20+ youth each Thursday from 3-5pm. ...

So I didn’t want to run today. everything inside me said forget it, relax. I had gotten on the scale this morning and the number were up and it frustrates  me because I’m working so hard and keeping my calories right were they need to be. I had to keep telling myself to push on and trust that God’s at work. Sometimes that is easier than others. Today it was really hard. I dropped Kalel off at Preschool and I had already dressed in workout clothes so I hit the pavement for a little one on one time with God. He was going to get an earful from me this morning. Well, God did most of the talking today. I cried as I ran. I was flooded with emotion on just how much God in in control and I just need to trust he is at work in me and His plan will continue to be a blessing in my life. No matter what the scale says, today! God has been at work with in my life yesterday, today and He will be tomorrow as well. As I looked back at the last several years of my life I realized how the scale has ...

Many of you have read my blog posts for some time and know that I have been on a long journey. One that hasn’t ended but is changing. The changes in my life have been gradual over the last two + years and these changes have given me the ability to do some stuff I’ve always wanted to do. One of those things was to ride the Raging Bull at Six Flags Great America . My size limited what I was able to do and that lead me down a dark path inside. I had given up hope. I accepted my size and decided food was my friend. I ate everything. Food was my drug of choice. Today I’m making better choices. Each day I work to make Christ the focus of my life. I reach for God’s will in my life and I have to say, His way is full of hope for tomorrow. I didn’t feel that before I started to turn my eating habits over to God. Maybe your like me or that person I used to be. Maybe you have lost all hope and are unwilling to give God full control of your life. I want to tell you today, that God wants for ...

Ok, Last night at 11pm the neighbor was knocking on my door. Someone let our dog Jake outside to do his business and no one waited to let him back into the house. This has happened so many times before. One time Kya left the dog out in a snow storm. Our dog has been picked up by animal control before as well. This drives me crazy. When I let the dog out I wait at the door till he runs back. It’s not hard to let him back in. It just takes a bit of patience. 5 minutes tops. I’m so tired of my kids and Kirsten forgetting the dog. If you would like to give my dog a loving home, please let me know. My family just leaves him outside like the trash, hoping someone else will take care of him. So why the rant? My neighbor has brought our dog to our attention for the umpteenth time this year. Then this morning The kids swear MOM left him outside again. I’m this close to rigging up some sort of electronic reminder that the dog is outside. How ridiculous is that. NO MORE PETS! I’m done with i...

So I have been using the Livestrong.com website to track my calories and fitness. I’ve attached the links to the right hand side of my blogger website so you can look at what I’m eating and doing. To be honest this week wasn’t one of my best. I ate way too much. I was going to try using my net calories and I did. Unfortunately I didn’t lose weight either. I’m going back to using my old method of consumed calories. All the exercise will add to the weight loss.

Just the other day I was sitting at dinner with my family from NJ and I challenged my younger brother to a 40 pound weight loss by Dec. I thought he wasn’t going to take me seriously but to my surprise he accepted the challenge. I really needed a push to take my weight loss further and my brother has always been willing to help push me.  My brother has stopped working out in the last few years and he expressed a desire to get back to working out. I thought this challenge would be a great kick in the pants for both of us. I’m going to post my progress each week on Facebook to keep the pressure on. I need to be accountable for all I do and eat. I know how important it is to be accountable to someone when trying to change old habits. Even after two + years of discipline I make bad choices from time to time. These bad choices can snowball into days and even weeks of unhealthy living. I’m ready to make the next push towards my final weight loss goal. With Gods guidance and my Facebook f...