Consumed by the Call

Let me bring you up to speed on my biggest obstacle to date. For the last few months I’ve been dealing with a back injury. My MRI shows one degenerative, one herniated and one bulging disc all clumped together in my lower lumbar region. To be quite honest my weight loss journey hit a massive road block. My mind refused to accept my current situation and I slipped. I started eating poorly and my motivation went straight out the window. I see people around me succeeding at there weight loss and physical fitness efforts and I’m jealous. Some days are better than others for me but just standing for 15 minutes starts to aggravate my back. I spend most of my time working at my computer or watching TV. To be honest I wanted control back. I wanted to run, lift weights, do Zumba and other workouts with my groups. Instead I’m worried about what happens if I do too much. I moved a little table with Kya on Sunday and I was hurting all day. It really plays with your mind. Especially since it took m...

This week I’ve had the subject of control on my mind. You might know someone who is a control freak. They wont let anyone help or contribute because they fear it wont be just right or they think they can do it better than anyone else. I will admit, I’m a control freak. Most of my life I’ve criticized others for how things have been done or not done. In the back of my mind I’m thinking I could do it better. This might be some genetic trait or it could be how I was raised, I’m not sure. I do remember as a child my father saying “If you want it done right, Do it yourself”. Maybe you have heard that phrase before. Most of my life I just did it myself. Whatever it was that was most important to me. It was almost impossible for my to give control over to someone else. Now in my mid 30’s I know I can’t do everything better. I do have some specific gifts but I do my best to differ to others who are more wise. I do my best to listen to others and I challenge myself to allow others to control ar...

Many of you know that my family just completed our annual ‘Lights Out” week. During Lights out we don’t use our car. We shut off the heat, hot water and tape the fridge shut. We don’t use anything that is electric or battery operated. We basically take all modern conveniences out of our life for a week. It is our way of focusing on the basics of life. When we our technology dominated world is in full swing we often take the simple things in life for granted. I hadn’t seen the sun rise in years. One morning I woke up and stood in my living room watching the beauty of the rainbow colored clouds as God introduced light to our day. Then that night again I watched as the day came to a close and the sun set. I hadn’t don’t that it many, many years. It was a gift I will cherish for a long time. It is simple and it happens daily but often life's schedules, routines and worries prevent me from noticing Gods creation. My mind is so busy I forget to stop and listen to the birds sing. This l...

I’ve been going through a book entitled “ A Course in Weight Loss” By Marianne Williamson. I just finished chapter 4 today and I have to say, I love this book. It speaks to who I was, who I am and who I’m becoming. Today’s lesson was about allowing my real self to emerge. I’ve given myself over to the “dark side” so to speak, and that has created depression and shame in my life. Not to mention it was totally visible by looking at my 455lb being. As I have been on my weight loss journey of rediscovering who I am, I’ve been allowing the real me to be seen. I’m happy and truly enjoying what life has to offer. I’m setting goals that are healthy and challenging. In lesson 4 we were challenged to allow our thin selves to be revealed. I’m in the process now. One of the activities we were given was to find pictures of what we want our perfect self to look like. I’ve been doing this practice for some time and today I wrestled with it a bit. I’ll never look like a body builder with smooth sk...

So it’s after midnight and I’ve been awake thinking about winter retreat and all the other events that are coming in the next few months. I was thinking about how I need a challenge to lose 40 more pounds. I’m already planning my menu for the next three plus months. I’m figuring out my workout routines and looking forward to dropping those pounds. Many of you know that our local GetFit challenge has turned into an infinite weight loss program. I really need the challenge to get me competitive and excited to workout all the time. So I created, with the help of my Christ First Friends, the GodFit Challenge . It will last three months and I’ve tied it to our Christ First program. I’m really ready to step it up. The holidays have taken there toll on me. As I consider all the other things I’m looking forward to I can see where the anticipation is keeping me awake. I have an amazing group of Middle School kids. We are hosting an after school program for 20+ youth each Thursday from 3-5pm. ...

So I didn’t want to run today. everything inside me said forget it, relax. I had gotten on the scale this morning and the number were up and it frustrates  me because I’m working so hard and keeping my calories right were they need to be. I had to keep telling myself to push on and trust that God’s at work. Sometimes that is easier than others. Today it was really hard. I dropped Kalel off at Preschool and I had already dressed in workout clothes so I hit the pavement for a little one on one time with God. He was going to get an earful from me this morning. Well, God did most of the talking today. I cried as I ran. I was flooded with emotion on just how much God in in control and I just need to trust he is at work in me and His plan will continue to be a blessing in my life. No matter what the scale says, today! God has been at work with in my life yesterday, today and He will be tomorrow as well. As I looked back at the last several years of my life I realized how the scale has ...

Many of you have read my blog posts for some time and know that I have been on a long journey. One that hasn’t ended but is changing. The changes in my life have been gradual over the last two + years and these changes have given me the ability to do some stuff I’ve always wanted to do. One of those things was to ride the Raging Bull at Six Flags Great America . My size limited what I was able to do and that lead me down a dark path inside. I had given up hope. I accepted my size and decided food was my friend. I ate everything. Food was my drug of choice. Today I’m making better choices. Each day I work to make Christ the focus of my life. I reach for God’s will in my life and I have to say, His way is full of hope for tomorrow. I didn’t feel that before I started to turn my eating habits over to God. Maybe your like me or that person I used to be. Maybe you have lost all hope and are unwilling to give God full control of your life. I want to tell you today, that God wants for ...